In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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