Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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