I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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