but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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