well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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