she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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