you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
