First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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