so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
pray to the hookup gods
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
