Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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