Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
