i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
