we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Someone signed my nipple.
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