how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
