my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
