But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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