Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
