Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
