Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
