I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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