Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
God, I missed his penis.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
