Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
