I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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