i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
