last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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