i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
