shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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