I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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