Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
