In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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