I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
