Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
