mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
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i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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