My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
