I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
