Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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