i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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