IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
