Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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