but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
