your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
