Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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