Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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