Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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