Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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