And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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