she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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