The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
