I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
