OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
