Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
