i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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