Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Randomize
