Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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