Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
