I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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