she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
