I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
