im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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