I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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