So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
