I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
