If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
