Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
