He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
