Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
