Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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