No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
