Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
