did you get engaged???
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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