One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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