he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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