Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
