I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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