Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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