No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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